The Cost of Composure: Why Emotional Support Matters at Every Level

If you knew someone’s entire story, would it change your perspective?

This powerful question has lingered with me following a recent conversation with a colleague. They shared deeply personal challenges—an experience shaped by past trauma and lingering emotional distress. I was honoured to hold space for them as they spoke through their pain. It wasn’t easy to witness. Their voice broke, their eyes welled, and the weight of unspoken experiences surfaced. And yet, through gentle, thoughtful questions offered with care and curiosity, they felt safe enough to continue.

What struck me most was this: this colleague, to many, is seen as a leader. A person of composure, responsibility, and strength. Yet beneath the surface, they carry burdens not often visible to those around them. They fulfill their duties, support others, and lead with what appears to be calm determination—while quietly retreating to moments of solitude to manage their own emotional resilience.

Leadership can be isolating.
Titles and positional authority often come with unspoken expectations: to be composed, decisive, unwavering. But the cost of this façade can be immense. Leaders, too, face stress, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion. And while they may appear strong, they are often holding it together in ways we cannot see.

The truth is: vulnerability is not a weakness—it is a profound strength. When leaders are able to acknowledge their humanity, they demonstrate a level of courage and emotional intelligence that inspires trust, connection, and psychological safety.

This brings forth a timely reflection for all of us, regardless of our roles:

• Are we attuned to the emotional well-being of those around us—above, beside, and below us in the organizational hierarchy?

• Can we recognize the subtle signs of stress or distress?

• Are we willing to offer a kind word, a listening ear, or a small act of support that might make all the difference?

Often, it’s the smallest gestures that leave the deepest impact.

I recall a friend, a highly accomplished lawyer, who suffered a severe injury—one that left her hospitalized and alone. Even her partner withheld emotional support, believing her strong enough to handle it independently. During one visit, I brought her a small angel ornament—a symbol of care, not grand, but sincere. She brushed it aside at first, not wanting to appear weak. A year later, she returned, fully recovered, and told me the angel now travels with her everywhere. That simple act of kindness had helped her through dark, uncertain nights.

Kindness and love have the power to reach even the strongest exteriors.

Emotional intelligence in leadership—when expressed through observation, openness, compassion, and care—builds stronger, more cohesive workplaces.
When team members feel seen and supported, they are more likely to engage, contribute authentically, and develop a deeper sense of trust and loyalty. Vulnerability, when shared in appropriate and respectful ways, has the ability to unify and uplift.

This does not mean the workplace becomes a space for constant emotional processing. Rather, it means organizations that foster open communication where support is present are incredibly rare. It’s understood that moments of hardship or trauma do not define a person’s capacity or worth, but rather leaders are seen as real people with heart and emotions.

People may not always turn to Human Resources or external support resources during moments of stress or acute emotional recall. Sometimes, they simply need someone to witness their experience—a colleague who sees them, hears them, and honors their humanity right then in the moment.

In building emotionally intelligent, people-first workplaces, leaders and team members alike may embrace the responsibility of observation, empathy, and care. It starts with small gestures. It grows through open dialogue. And it thrives in cultures where kindness at all levels is not viewed as a luxury—but as a leadership strength.

Observe your team. Notice the unspoken. Check in. Offer the door to conversation. Sometimes, just being there is the greatest leadership act of all.